conversations with myself thinking too loud

This shit just got real

(It’s inevitable, isn’t it? As soon as I say “I’m on hiatus,” I think of something to write)

I think what’s got me in a bit of a zone is the fact that suddenly, things are real. I don’t know why it hasn’t felt like that until just recently; maybe I’m finally getting out of that age range where you’re expected to goof off, and hitting 22 suddenly sounds very much like “Ok, you’re supposed to be grown up now. Get on with it.”

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m in London and suddenly I’ve realised that, wait, I’m actually here for 7 whole months. Not just two like last time, most of which was spent larking about. Maybe it’s my flatmates – they’re all much, much older, and while they are students, it’s something they’ve come back to.

Maybe it’s that others are talking of careers, and homes, and lifetime partners, and I’m not thinking of any of that, because… well because I’m not sure that I should. That’s Scary Stuff, don’t you know? The grad program I’m on is a nice feather-bed to land on on my way into the workplace, because for the first year at least, it certainly felt like I was just out of uni but not really, and it was all a bit of a lark. And then London happened, or at least kicked off, and it still felt like it was just going to another semester.

But then I got here, and found a place to live, and suddenly… it’s all too real.

Whatever the reason, it’s like I’m finally realising I’m out of uni, and way out of school. The work I do day-to-day affects other people in their day-to-day world, even if just slightly. In some cases, there are people praising my work, and that drives an intense sense of satisfaction. In others, there are those who criticise and point out how it gets in their way. And all the time I’m watching them thinking “hang on, you use this for real?“, as if I’d always considered that this was merely an exercise like at uni, and I was being trained for the “real thing”. But now I’m here, I’m called on as a subject expert, having worked on it for a year and a half (and still knowing all too little).

It’s not too early for a quarter-life crisis, is it? When the hell did life become real?!

thinking too loud


You’ve sent a birthday wish to someone via SMS. But since it’s been a while since you last called, you have a little doubt that they may not have got it.

They haven’t responded.

Do you try to contact them some other way? Especially as the birthday is now slipping further into the past? Do you take it as a subtle hint that they don’t wish to talk? Tell me what I should think, dear internet!

thinking too loud


Ladies –

If in response to:

“Do I look fat (e.g. in this dress)?”

… which we all know is a loaded question, a guy, presumably your boyfriend, was to reply:

“No, there’s just more of you to kiss.”

… would he get away with it?



thinking too loud

Memo: Office Ladies

Memo: To all women working in offices around the nation

Those high-waisted skirts? Hawt.

thinking too loud

Memo: Indian Outsource Men

Memo: To all Indian men working as outsource employees in overseas companies.

Please, shave that upper lip. What is it, a uniform? Part of the condition of letting you go overseas? Yeesh.

(Also, that leather jacket? Not appropriate in summer)

thinking too loud

So I Says to him, I say, oh, you’re never going to believe it…

Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable, let’s prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

WFT-II was the only British software company that could be mentioned in the same sentence as such major U.S. companies as Microsoft or Lotus. The sentence would probably run along the lines of “WFT-II, unlike such major U.S. companies as Microsoft or Lotus …” but it was a start.

It was his subconscious which told him this – that infuriating part of a person’s brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing.

Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila.

I am rarely happier than when spending entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.

All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.

A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.’

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

Douglas Adams

thinking too loud

C’est la vie

My sister is having a helluva time deciding between Medicine and Dentistry. Factors favour each differently, with Med having the edge at the moment. One of her main concerns with Medicine, though, is that it will take such a long time – it’ll be approximately 12 to 13 years before she’s fully qualified, either as an independent GP or a specialist. Dentistry, on the other hand, takes less time, but the factor of which city is also in the mix – Melbourne is a lot more familiar, and all the trappings with that would smooth life.

So which to choose? I’d not be wanting to make that decision either, with all the questions she’s put up.

One thing, however, that she’s been putting up as a factor against choosing Med – the length of time – is something that’s got me thinking. What’s the rush, I ask? What is it, ultimately, that we are here for? The convention amongst “our generation” seems to be get through university with a degree and be working by 23, to live a templated life, reaching milestones as set by our peers. Why should the prospect of an extended learning process to qualify for a highly specialised and highly valued career path be something that we fear for the time it will take out of “life”?

The question I ask is: What else have you got planned?

It’s not really appropriate for me to say that an extended learning process is ok, though, because I’m one of the ultimate examples of exactly the opposite. But I still ask: what’s the rush?

thinking too loud

It’s Raining

It’s raining cats and dogs and possibly even hamsters. It’s a day when you get up, look out the window and rollover back into bed. You hear all over the radio that “the rain is good for the dams!” but sometimes you just want it to rain like this for a week straight so the environmental scare-mongers might just shut the hell up.

My mood always sucks on days like this.

thinking too loud

New Headphones

Stories abound of people getting mugged just for having those famous white headphones, so I went hunting last week for a new pair. That and I had medical advice that I better switch away from the in-ear headphones, meaning my choices were in the over-the-ear range. I strayed for all of 2 minutes into the sound-cancelling zone; the sound cancelling really does work, but gods, the price. THE PRICE, MAN. $250 for a pair of headphones that are as chunky as my attempts to chop up onions?! (woo bad mixed metaphor~)

In the end, I paid much-too-much anyway ($60) for this pair. I’ve always wanted to get the “street style” ones, mainly because the over-head band just wouldn’t cut it (bad past experience), and I couldn’t find any other style really. The first thought: oh, my, god, these things are sexy. the sound is so sexy. it’s like i’m hearing things i’ve never heard before, probably indicating they’re better than my computer speakers. no real surprise there, since i spent more on them than the computer speakers, but still. This was soon after followed by other thoughts, like “They barely fit on my big head” and “hey, I’ll get even more noticed now than the ubiquotous whities” and “well it increases the ‘pod’s battery life because i only need volume at a quarter”, and also “wow my ears aren’t cold anymore!”

Suffice to say, good money well spent, but completely missing the point of not getting mugged. Ah well, at least the doctor will be happy.

thinking too loud

Feel old

Just saw my sister’s year 12 formal (= kinda prom) pics. How quick the little ones grow up! T.T

Maaaan do I feel old.