I remember as a kid thinking 2000 was far away, and then a little older thinking by 2010 I would have this, or that, or the other thing over there. 10 years seems like a stupendously long time when it is as long as you’ve lived, or more than half your age.
If you asked me what I’d actually done in a whole 12 months, I think about the only thing I could say without qualification was that I changed jobs. It really has disappeared in a blink – I started off the year thinking I was on the verge of buying a house. I had a decent paying job, I had a loan pre-approved, and I was hunting houses. I even went to an auction or two, and even put my hand up for bidding… and was promptly blown away, my budget puny in the face of the realities of the house market.
A setback like that wouldn’t normally have broken my stride, but affected I was, and a coincidental slump in the tenor of my workplace meant I lost focus, pure and simple. Months dragged past, and I can hardly tell you what it is that I did from February through to June.
Finally, somewhere around mid-June, I got a mental kick in the pants. It was now June 2010. By all that was holy, I was in the middle of the future. And here I was, doing… what? Nothing of interest.
So I set off on a job hunt, to try to shake that feeling. And here I am, the other side, having moved jobs… and feeling curiously unsatisfied with 2010.
I hate doing a year-in-review for precisely that reason. Some years you can point to and go “wow, what a year huh?”, and others you point to and think, “umm… I’m sure there was something more…”
I think for the first time in years I have finally felt comfortable and settled – that my life is in my hands, reasonably predictable, and without any major upheavals on the horizon.
And I don’t know if that pleases me or terrifies me.