Lil’ Steelpants Johnny

Reporter: Mr Howard, you’ve said that pulling troops out of Iraq would be a bad thing, and–

John Howard, PM: Yes, and I’ve maintained it, the Coalition should not be pulling troops out of Iraq, and I stand by George’s troop surge.

Reporter: Is it true that you’re also sending in more troops?

John Howard: Yes, we’re looking at sending in more troops, to help train more Iraqi police so that they can maintain law and order in Iraq.

R: Isn’t it true that police are the most targeted of all Iraqis?

JH: Which is why we need to train more.

R: To send them to their deaths.

JH: Ye-, no, now, that’s not fair. They’re a little untrained right now, and understaffed…

R: Because most of them are in the mortuary?

JH: Now I said that’s not fair, and…

R: Mr Howard, Tony Blair is pulling 2000 troops from Iraq, while you’re sending more in.

Picture Bambi jumping onto a busy night motorway.

JH: (mumbles under breath Bugger me) Well we’ve always maintained that the coalition should maintain an appropriate number of troops in Iraq

R: Which is 20,000 more Americans, 700 more Australians and 2000 less British?

JH: Well what’s appropriate for the British isn’t necessarily so for us or the Americans. I’ve always said they’re too close to the French surrender monkeys. They really should have moved the whole island towards America, that would’ve stopped the pansies from the Continent influencing things. Load of crazies, all “freedom and liberty”, driving on the wrong side of the road…

R: Like America?

JH: What? No, of course not, they do it the right way.

R: The ‘right way’?

JH: That’d be the American Way. It’d be unAustralian to do things any other way.

R: Thanks, Mr. Howard.

(*any resemblence to reality is purely coincidental)

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